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Does He Fight You for It?

Drunk girl #1: My boyfriend likes to swallow his ejacu– Ejacu–Drunk girl #2: It’s ‘ejaculate.’Drunk girl #1: Is that normal?–Manhattan-bound L trainOverheard by: What is normal?

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We've Both Agreed to Raise a Spitter

Father-to-be: So my wife won't give me head no more.Friend: Why? Just cuz she's pregnant?Father-to-be: Yeah. She keeps saying anything she eats the baby eats, and she don't want it eating my jizz.–N...

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Hey, I Saw the Crude Sketches in the Boys' Restroom Way Before That

(class is watching a science video)Scientist in the video: The problem with the big bang is that we know nothing about it. We don't when it banged, why it banged, how it banged, what exactly was being...

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…From a Donkey.

Woman, looking at two obese ladies flirting with a construction worker: This scene makes me want to puke.Man with her: (laughs)Woman: But all I've got in my stomach is cum.–Gramercy ParkOverheard by:...

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Maybe in Version 2.0

Girl #1: Ewww! That doughnut looks like it’s covered in cum.Girl #2: Mmm… If cum tasted like this I would give head everyday… I wish I tasted like this.Girl #1: Word.–Park SlopeOverheard by: Alex Berger

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Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”

Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away...

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Probably a Misunderstanding About the Meaning of “Eye Candy”

Coat check girl: Last night Michael came in my eye and it was all puffy and red.Stripper: Why did he do that?Coat check: He said he didn’t mean it. Usually he goes for my nostrils or my ear. We...

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It Was a Two-Xanax Climax

Black guy: So was he fun last night? White girl: He came so much that it made me nervous. Black guy: No more freshman for you!–Outside Parsons The New School for Design

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You Can’t Say “Don’t Let the Cum Fester” to Just Anybody

NYU boy: The doctor at NYU was so chill about it — he treated me the first time three years ago. He’s the one who told me how you have to spit or swallow, but don’t let the cum fester in your mouth....

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More Like the Martha Stewart, but Why Quibble?

Guy #1: I want to finish on a girl's face one time man, that would be sic!Guy #2: Amy told me I could do it to her once.Guy #1: Are you serious!?? I never thought Amy was that hot, but fuck, she just...

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Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t As Good on a Cracker As You May Have Heard

Dude, about Gillette shaving products: It’s like sperm. [Notices girl staring] … Yeah, it’s like sperm. –Hunter College Overheard by: tanechka Chesty preggers: I thought he was shooting blanks! I mean,...

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How to Get Banned from the Vatican, in One Easy Step.

College bro #1, walking quickly: And then we can cum on the floor!College bro #2: Yeah, dude! Cum on the floor! –University Place Overheard by: Wondering Whose Floor

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Wednesday One-liners Face It

Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face. –116th...

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Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate! –14th b/w 3rd & 4th Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away) –Bowling Green Woman shouting...

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Granted, Sometimes It's Like Drinking from the Fire Hose

NYU guy #1: You know it's impossible to swallow a whole teaspoon of cinnamon?NYU guy #2: Wait, why not?NYU guy #1: Because it accumulates into clumps and dries up your mouth.NYU guy #2: Oh, cinnamon! I...

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How to Get Banned from the Vatican, in One Easy Step.

College bro #1, walking quickly: And then we can cum on the floor!College bro #2: Yeah, dude! Cum on the floor! –University Place Overheard by: Wondering Whose Floor

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Wednesday One-liners Face It

Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face. –116th...

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Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate! –14th b/w 3rd & 4th Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away) –Bowling Green Woman shouting...

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Granted, Sometimes It's Like Drinking from the Fire Hose

NYU guy #1: You know it's impossible to swallow a whole teaspoon of cinnamon?NYU guy #2: Wait, why not?NYU guy #1: Because it accumulates into clumps and dries up your mouth.NYU guy #2: Oh, cinnamon! I...

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Wish I Could Say the Same

Girl #1: I can’t believe you fucked him in my bed!Girl #2: Well, I made sure that he didn’t cum on your sheets!Girl #1: How thoughtful of you. –Rivington & Allen Overheard by: Snorted through my nose

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