Does He Fight You for It?
Drunk girl #1: My boyfriend likes to swallow his ejacu– Ejacu–Drunk girl #2: It’s ‘ejaculate.’Drunk girl #1: Is that normal?–Manhattan-bound L trainOverheard by: What is normal?
View ArticleWe've Both Agreed to Raise a Spitter
Father-to-be: So my wife won't give me head no more.Friend: Why? Just cuz she's pregnant?Father-to-be: Yeah. She keeps saying anything she eats the baby eats, and she don't want it eating my jizz.–N...
View ArticleHey, I Saw the Crude Sketches in the Boys' Restroom Way Before That
(class is watching a science video)Scientist in the video: The problem with the big bang is that we know nothing about it. We don't when it banged, why it banged, how it banged, what exactly was being...
View Article…From a Donkey.
Woman, looking at two obese ladies flirting with a construction worker: This scene makes me want to puke.Man with her: (laughs)Woman: But all I've got in my stomach is cum.–Gramercy ParkOverheard by:...
View ArticleMaybe in Version 2.0
Girl #1: Ewww! That doughnut looks like it’s covered in cum.Girl #2: Mmm… If cum tasted like this I would give head everyday… I wish I tasted like this.Girl #1: Word.–Park SlopeOverheard by: Alex Berger
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”
Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away...
View ArticleProbably a Misunderstanding About the Meaning of “Eye Candy”
Coat check girl: Last night Michael came in my eye and it was all puffy and red.Stripper: Why did he do that?Coat check: He said he didn’t mean it. Usually he goes for my nostrils or my ear. We...
View ArticleIt Was a Two-Xanax Climax
Black guy: So was he fun last night? White girl: He came so much that it made me nervous. Black guy: No more freshman for you!–Outside Parsons The New School for Design
View ArticleYou Can’t Say “Don’t Let the Cum Fester” to Just Anybody
NYU boy: The doctor at NYU was so chill about it — he treated me the first time three years ago. He’s the one who told me how you have to spit or swallow, but don’t let the cum fester in your mouth....
View ArticleMore Like the Martha Stewart, but Why Quibble?
Guy #1: I want to finish on a girl's face one time man, that would be sic!Guy #2: Amy told me I could do it to her once.Guy #1: Are you serious!?? I never thought Amy was that hot, but fuck, she just...
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners Aren’t As Good on a Cracker As You May Have Heard
Dude, about Gillette shaving products: It’s like sperm. [Notices girl staring] … Yeah, it’s like sperm. –Hunter College Overheard by: tanechka Chesty preggers: I thought he was shooting blanks! I mean,...
View ArticleHow to Get Banned from the Vatican, in One Easy Step.
College bro #1, walking quickly: And then we can cum on the floor!College bro #2: Yeah, dude! Cum on the floor! –University Place Overheard by: Wondering Whose Floor
View ArticleWednesday One-liners Face It
Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face. –116th...
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners, Literally
Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate! –14th b/w 3rd & 4th Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away) –Bowling Green Woman shouting...
View ArticleGranted, Sometimes It's Like Drinking from the Fire Hose
NYU guy #1: You know it's impossible to swallow a whole teaspoon of cinnamon?NYU guy #2: Wait, why not?NYU guy #1: Because it accumulates into clumps and dries up your mouth.NYU guy #2: Oh, cinnamon! I...
View ArticleHow to Get Banned from the Vatican, in One Easy Step.
College bro #1, walking quickly: And then we can cum on the floor!College bro #2: Yeah, dude! Cum on the floor! –University Place Overheard by: Wondering Whose Floor
View ArticleWednesday One-liners Face It
Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face. –116th...
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners, Literally
Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate! –14th b/w 3rd & 4th Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away) –Bowling Green Woman shouting...
View ArticleGranted, Sometimes It's Like Drinking from the Fire Hose
NYU guy #1: You know it's impossible to swallow a whole teaspoon of cinnamon?NYU guy #2: Wait, why not?NYU guy #1: Because it accumulates into clumps and dries up your mouth.NYU guy #2: Oh, cinnamon! I...
View ArticleWish I Could Say the Same
Girl #1: I can’t believe you fucked him in my bed!Girl #2: Well, I made sure that he didn’t cum on your sheets!Girl #1: How thoughtful of you. –Rivington & Allen Overheard by: Snorted through my nose
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